Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Is it worth it?

As one who has been unemployed for almost a year, I jumped at the chance to take a work study position at my school.  Work study isn't like having a regular job, however. It's federally mandated so you can't work overtime, which is fine as I have way too much to do now anyway.  By taking this job that I couldn't turn down (seriously, you can't turn down the heads of financial services and career services when they offer you a job that they know you need), I am now making my own money and not living on unemployment.  I feel like a stressed out, productive member of society again.  That being said, I make less by working than I did on unemployment so I've put our (mine and my husband's) financial stability at risk.... again!  How is it that in order to be a "productive member of society", I have to sacrifice my financial stability but if I chose to live off "the system" I'd be better situated?  Does this seem backwards to anyone else?  So now, my days are twice as long with my schedule being something like this:

6:30 am  wake up
7:30 take the hubby to work
8:15 get back home from dropping hubby and clean house a little bit while making breakfast
9:30 leave for work
10:00 am - 3:00 pm at work
3:00 - 4:00 change into scrubs and work in student clinic
4:00 - 5:00 Leave school, pick up hubby, take him home
5:00 - 5:20 take a deep breath at home and maybe eat lunch
5:20 leave home for school
6:00 - 10:30 Class for massage therapy
10:45 home, eat dinner
12:00 am bed

So, yeah, I'm exhausted! I guess it's beneficial in the long run.  I mean think about it.... if I do a good job here AND manage to maintain my 4.0 GPA, I'll have a heck of a great recommendation from the school!!  Meanwhile, I still struggle to make ends meet.  I struggle to stay positive.  I struggle to keep the hubby positive.  I struggle with wondering if it's really worth it to have gone back to school.  I wonder if I'll have a job when I graduate.  I haven't been able to find a job for almost a year and only found this one because I was in the right place at the right time (and as a 4.0 student who works her butt off, I have gained a reputation around the school.)  I have no time for my husband. I have no time with my pets.  I have no time for me.  I know this schedule is only going to affect the next 3 months but is it worth it?  Did I make a poor decision in trying to take on too much?  Am I risking my present comfort by trying to plan too far in the future?  Can I really do this and actually succeed?  Am I over thinking it?  The answer to the last question I already know.... probably!  I guess, right now, that I'm putting these questions out into the universe and looking for a sign that I'm on the right path and that, in the end, it will have been worth the sacrifice and hard work.....

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