I have nothing profound to say. Like so many others, I still wonder what happened 10 years ago today.... why did the world change? What did we do? Was it real? Looking back now, it seems like a horrible dream/nightmare, like something that can't possibly be true. Isn't this just a movie plot thought up by Hollywood that we watched many years ago?
Sitting here now, I remember that day and the myriad of emotions and degrees of acceptance that this was ACTUALLY happening. I worked as an Admin Asst in a church in Atlanta, GA. On Monday, September 10, 2001, my nephew was born. He was 2 1/2 months early and his life was in danger. On Tuesday morning, the church had it's weekly meeting and if you wanted to get someone on next Sunday's prayer list, that was the deadline. I remember driving to work and for the first time in forever, I decided NOT to listen to NPR but to put in a CD. I got to the church and immediately went to the secretary to the preacher and asked that my nephew be put on the prayer list. I was feeling scared for him but otherwise good. I went to my desk and logged into my computer and, like a good office worker of the early 2000's, I logged into an online chat program to chat with my friends while I worked (yeah, yeah, I see the error of my ways now...) One of my friends sent an immediate message, go turn on the news.... NOW! I worked in the music department and the location of our offices were under the nave, that is to say, in an official bomb shelter. No TV down there. I dug through the cupboards and found an old boom box, circa 1984, and plugged it in. The first thing I heard was Peter Jennings voice saying that a second plane had JUST struck the towers. My boss wanted to know why I was turning on the radio during office hours and when he heard that, he just stopped in his tracks. I remember standing shocked for a moment and feeling the blood drain out of my head. I rushed over to my computer and tried to pull up CNN.com, then MSNBC.com, then 11-alive.com. Finally, I got something to play live on my computer. I don't remember now which live feed it was, but I saw my first picture of NYC and the horror that was unfolding. We all stood or sat, transfixed by what we saw. When the south tower fell, I heard Peter Jennings voice and watched the image. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. How could something so massive and strong and seemingly solid just be GONE??? At this point I was having a hard time seeing the screen and wondered if we were losing transmission. Nope, I was crying so hard, I couldn't see through the tears. When the north tower fell, I was numb. At this point, my boss sent us all home. My parents lived less than a mile from the church but I didn't go there, I went to my apartment, about 1 1/2 miles from the church, and sat on my sofa and watched as the world changed forever. I cried all day. I couldn't turn away from the TV, just watching, in hopes that the hole in the Pentagon was just some special effect shot from an upcoming movie. I was waiting for someone to tell us it was all a hoax. I was waiting to find out that I knew someone who was there....
I used to be a performer. I went to art school. My friends are all over the world. MANY of them, for obvious reasons, are in New York City. I had friends who did temp work all over the city. I knew of one of them who, at the time, had told me about her temp assignment in the World Trade Towers. Was she there that day? I remember trying to call her and leaving messages, "Please just email me and let me know that you're ok." As it turned out, thank god, she was ok. Her assignment had ended about a week prior. A few days later, I found out, I had known someone who was now gone. He wasn't a close friend. He had been the roommate of my first love in college. He was a staunch republican whose personal hero was Rush Limbaugh. He was short, stocky and had a big smile and bright blue eyes. He was in his office at the top of the south tower. We didn't see eye to eye on many things but the three of us hung out a lot in the 4 months I was at that school and had a lot of laughs. My ex and I have been best of friends since then and he was the one who told me to turn on the news. He was also the one who told me about Alan.
So, now, 10 years later, I take time to put all of this information down more for myself than anyone else. The world is not the same. We lost our innocence. My generation now has their own version of "Where were you when..." I don't want it. I think the America that was before, died that day and we have had to rebirth ourselves. The problem is that we're not grown up yet as a country. In this rebirth we are only in the petulant child stage. Too many people are stomping their feet and demanding their way. I look forward, with hope, that we will, once again, get to a place of compromise and compassion. I believe in this country. I believe in the people of this country. I believe that one day, the American people will rise up again to declare that we have had enough of the posturing and we want real change. We may be struggling now, but I do believe that our best is yet to come. But before we can move forward, let's look back and remember the shock, the horror, the grief, the acceptance, the defiance, the will and the coming together of a country to stand up, battered, but proud. Never forget the 2,977 people who lost their lives on that day and the innumerable people who have given their lives in defense of freedom.....
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